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January 26, 2006
Two From the Vault
7/23, a fractional accounting of sorrow*
(reflection and epitaph)
a sabbath cycle sets this year, mom
and me 23
that means that come this time in a year
a third of my life will have gone by
without you
and slowly it goes on
the gradual slide to accept as commonplace
the thought that chilled with horror
my cozy childhood heart; me alive
without you
and so it will go on
until God moves His hand
in countless moments of joy and pain
the sun and rain will weather me
without you
------------------------------------------
God, please let the mantle fall
of one who loved you well
and let me live like her
as she sought to live like you
and pierce and punctuate
the busy fabric of my life
with memory
infinity lite
i like the stars at dusk
one or two
that nestle in the blue
of a slowly darkening sky
as if they too
were only mirrors
like the moon
and hung within the tether range of earth
__________________________________________________
*The current fraction? 19/36, over half a life. Commentary from Ache for Eternity on both poems is in the comments.
Ache for Eternity | By jackdas | 8:48 PM
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Commentary for 7/23:
One of the earliest discipleship choices that sunk into my youthful mind was the call to love God above all else. How could I possibly love God more than Mommy and Daddy I wondered, feeling a little guilty about it all. In the mind of a child there is no more real love than the love of parents. It was their loving arms that were there to enfold us in warmth, to shut out night-time fears. It was them we clung to, burying our hot, tear-stained faces in their necks, when the world had hurt us. It is not surprising then that loving an invisible God more than tangible, warm-lapped parents can be difficult for a child. God, I think, is not concerned. It is He after all who created both parents and children and crafted into their love the metaphor of His love toward all people. His love is the source and pattern for all parental love and of which any earthly love is but a reflection. As we grow we come to see this in its fullness and come to know and love our Heavenly Parent above all else.
The death of parent in late youth, though, still brings on those old suffocating fears. How will life ever be the same without Mom? How could it be the same? The answer is that it will never be the same. But, surprisingly, as time passes, grief and memories quietly eddy into the still backwaters of the soul and life settles again to placid existence, rippled only by the common worries of living. Until one day we think, "How? How, could I forget so easily? How can I be living with such a big piece of me missing?" And then comes the fervent cry for God to the move the waters of the soul, and swirl into life those beautiful divine metaphors of love and service embodied in Mom, and fill my heart with memories.
Posted by: Neil at January 26, 2006 8:49 PM
Commentary for infinity lite:
It is true the night sky is inspiring, but it also can be frightening. I love to be far from city lights, gazing up into the clear, bright sky from the warm comfort of a sleeping bag, but if I really start to think of the vastness of it all, the mind boggles and I would much rather burrow down into the coziness than think of the cold reaches of outer space. Sometimes I wish the universe would be like a diet drink, with all the taste yet not so much of the heaviness.
The vastness of heavens was not lost on David either, he wrote in a psalm, "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" This is a comforting verse, because it not only shows that God is the creator and controller of such vastness, but that he also cares for small, seemingly insignificant, creatures like us as well. Both aspects, however, must be kept in mind to keep a balanced picture of God, not only that he lovingly, intimately cares for us, but also that he is the creator and therefore transcendent over this universe that so fills us with awe. One day, the book of Revelation tells us, we will see the heavens and earth flee away because there will be no place for them in the presence of God. Now that will truly be awe-inspiring.
Posted by: Neil at January 26, 2006 8:51 PM
