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January 14, 2006
The Silence of Adam-The Procrastination of Neil
Jeremy Huggins recently wrote a post referencing what he calls "the only marriage book I’ve found of any value," As For Me and My House by Walter Wangerin, Jr. His description prompts this post about what I consider "the only book on men I've found of any value," though I have not read widely in the genre. OK, I have not really read anything else in the genre, and really the only other book on men I want to read is Walter Trobisch's All a Man Can Be.
And I have not even finished reading The Silence of Adam by Larry Crabb and Don Hudson and Al Andrews, but I am already convinced of its excellence. I knew it was excellent before I even read it as it "kicked the butts" of both my brothers by their own admission. That is why it took me so long pick it up and is taking me so long (1 year plus) to finish it. Once you know, you gotta do something.
There are many excellent passages in the book thus far; a few good ones follow, which have wisdom that is often applicable to Christians of any gender. All of the books mentioned herein, I believe, can be purchased here.
Once we become Christians, our most important decisions are often made in the darkness, with only God's light. We must trust a God who often does not tell us exactly what to do. The Spirit more often whispers encouragement ("You can do it. I am with you") than directions ("Now go tell her this"). We must develop a relationship with Christ in which we come to know him well enough to behave just like he would, to sense what he would do, what he might say. We must honor our calling to reflect his habit of moving through darkness toward beauty.
God calls on men to speak into darkness that sometimes stays dark, even after we speak. We must not search for a flashlight to shine on the path. When we insist on knowing what to do in trying to achieve our goals, we are fire-lighters.
Lighting our own fires is a natural tendency in every fallen man. And that tendency is clearly visible, not only in the relational crises of life but also in our everyday style of relating. Men who routinely light fires rather than trust God reveal their lack of manliness most significantly in the way they engage other people, particularly women. It is to these unmanly patterns of relating that we turn in the next three chapters. (113)
Line up a hundred men. Watch them closely for one week. With only a little discernment, you will recognize one of two patterns in their dealings with people. Seventy or eightly men will be ruled by a passion called neediness. Something inside them needs attention. The chosen few on whom they deeply depend are required to think about them and treat them in a certain way. They are more than willing to do their part, to do the right thing, but their goal is always the same: to get something from another person...
The other twenty or thirty will be ruled by a very different passion. The passion that controls thier behavior, especially their behavior in personal relationships, is not neediness. Rather it is toughness: a proud, "I don't need you or anybody else: sort of attitude... (117)
Manly men release others from their control and encourage them with their influence. They touch their wives, children, and friends in sensitive ways that free them to struggle with their lonliness and selfishness and pain. Manly men nudge their family and friends to the same crossroads where they, as men, have found that trust or unbelief must be chosen.
Unmanly men require their friends and family to meet their demands. Men who move with control, anger, and terror deaden others into conformity or incite them to self-preserving rebellion. (119)
Ouch, are you sure I can't get some anaesthesia for this....
Personal Growth or Lack Thereof | By jackdas | 2:21 PM
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Comments
I like this book.
Posted by: jeremy at January 15, 2006 1:37 PM
