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December 6, 2004
Broken Poem
OK, perhaps this will be a recurring segment like "Photo Bonus" is for random pictures and "Stereotyping" might become for making sweeping, generalizing statements, which have the preemptive cover of being labelled "Stereotyping."
At any rate, if this segment flies, I will include a poem that just doesn't work either in my mind or because someone else (my one poetry teacher or an honest friend) has told me so. You might be thinking, "Hey, I can think of some of your past posts to which you might consider applying this label to retroactively." Indeed, that is likely true. Perhaps, every poem post could be a titled such.
For "Broken Poem" posts, though, or for any poem post for that matter, if you want to post suggestions to help "fix the poem," that would be kind of cool. Assuming there is a collective "you" out there that actutally read these things.
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This poem uses parts and speech and islands breaking off from mainlands as symbols for people, which is all rather abstract, so that might be why it does not work. It is part of a longer "Journey" poem. I did change the word to "subjects" in the first line from "phrases," and stanzas 1 and 4 and 2 and 3 are paired. And, I like adding "to you" at the end of line 13, but perhaps that is too juvenileish. Why bother fixing this. I think it has some nice images and lines.
(title) lambert international
1 a thousand subjects out of context
2 sit in these padded chairs
3 dreaming of verbs
4 to be and do
5 a thousand islands float
6 detached from mainlands
7 forming these strange archipelagos
8 these strange bays and headlands
9 and soon
10 i too will float
11 severed
12 trailing a muddy wake
13 streaming back
14 diffusing with the distance
15 into clear blue
16 soon i too
17 ripped from my context
18 will struggle just
19 to be
20 bleeding my dependencies
Pure Silliness | By jackdas | 4:48 PM
Comments
this is my favorite poem of yours.
jeremy
Posted by: Anonymous at December 6, 2004 10:31 PM
Thanks, Jeremy. I kind of like it too, despite it being difficult.
Posted by: Neil E. Das at December 7, 2004 12:43 PM
